To Kill a Monster
by Inuluvr
Summary: To kill a monster, you must become one.  That's what led me to the night I finally faced him.  The night I finally tracked down Alex Mercer.  Heller's POV. M for language and violence.  No pairings.  Written before P2 came out


To kill a monster, you must become one. That's what I always told myself. But what happens when you find out that the man you've been chasing—the monster you've hunted isn't really what you think he is? What if you finally find him and discover…he's not really a monster at all?

The alley I stood in was dark and dank, water dripped to large puddles on the ground and splattered across my shoes. Above me, the sky was grey and threatening. A low rumble of thunder rolled overhead, echoing off the dirty brick walls of the surrounding buildings. I breathed heavily, ignoring the curling steam with every exhale. The dreary evening was bitter and cold and only a few drunken stragglers stumbled down the otherwise abandoned Main Street. They wouldn't be a problem, I knew. Either they wouldn't see anything or they'd be dead before sunrise—simple enough. Another crash of thunder rattled the buildings beside me and brought my attention back to the present. I took a step forward, my eyes trained on the only thing I was interested in.

Before me was the back of the man I'd hunted for the past several months. All my hard work—the research, the killing…. The consuming…. Everything that had destroyed my humanity had brought me to this moment. And now that I stood behind this man, I felt the rage boil inside of me. I had pent up this anger, letting it lash out only when I needed it. I had been conserving it for now… this moment, when I'd finally get my revenge; when I'd finally destroy this man who had caused me so much pain. Alex Mercer.

I took another step towards the man, narrowing my eyes as I heard a low chuckle over the soft patter of the rain. Slowly, Alex's head turned to the side, covered by his hood and the shadows surrounding him. He had known I was here. How? How had he known?

"So you're here to kill me?" He said in a low, unreadable voice. I braced myself for a sudden attack as Alex slowly turned to face me. My muscled tensed, and I stood ready for anything. But nothing came. Instead, he cocked his hooded head to the side and looked at me with those piercing ice-blue eyes. "How ironic," He said, cracking his neck and shoulder as he straightened his head. He continued to stare at me, his pale blue eyes bearing into my being. I could feel his gaze crawling over my skin and it made me sick. How dare he look at me like this; a slightly puzzled amusement playing over his expression. He wasn't taking me seriously. To him, I was another toy to play with before casting off and leaving to die. Too bad for him, I was already dead.

"Well?" Alex said, raising an eyebrow. I couldn't exactly see anything above those glowing eyes since a majority of his face was covered by that dark hood, but I knew from his tone that he was mocking me. It only felt right that he was raising an eyebrow at my threat. I let my rage take control, and I felt my arm morph into a deadly blade while the rest of my body turned into a thick shell of armor. From behind my sheath, I could see him standing there nonchalantly. He hadn't moved, and didn't seem particularly scared. Furious, I flew at him, half expecting to find myself swinging aimlessly with him poised to strike behind me.

I was amazed when I felt my blade meet flesh and blood splatter across my helmet. Stunned, I stepped back to see what damage I had done. Had I killed him? Certainly it couldn't be over yet… could it? Alex had wrapped his arm around his stomach, which was now bleeding profusely. His head was bent to the ground and I could see sticky red blood oozing from his mouth to mix with the rain on the ground. He lifted his head to look at me, his pale blue eyes glowing in the shadows.

"Not bad, for an amateur." He said through heavy breaths. "You're far better than I was when I was as young as you." The thought of him comparing me to himself nauseated me. All the rage I had spent on the first attack was quickly building again. I was preparing for another attack. I felt my blade rush ahead of me before I even knew I was ready. Again, my blade met with flesh, and blood decorated the cold brick of the buildings with a sickening splatter. Alex stumbled back, but had little time to recover before my blade came to claim more of his precious liquid rubies. I continued to swing, feeling a mixture of emotions as I slashed through his body. Anger, hatred, sorrow, remorse. They all surged through my body, hurrying my long arm along to do its dirty work. I thought I would have felt freedom as I slowly destroyed him, but I was feeling something different. I felt as though I was a limp marionette, simply following the threads of someone greater than myself, with no emotion passing through my own wooden body. It was an inexplicable feeling.

I raised my weapon for the final blow, and paused to revel in the violent end of my most hated enemy. He lay on the ground below my poised blade, a bloody mess. He looked up at me with those two penetrating, accusing eyes. He then closed them slowly and let a peaceful smile pass over his lips. He was giving in. He was simply giving in to death.

As I watched this man cede to death before me, a different fury began to engulf me. Within a flash, my blade had disappeared and had been replaced by my normal arm. And it was that arm that now lifted Alex off the flooded pavement and into the air by the collar of his shirt.

"Why won't you fight back?" I screamed at him, raising my fist to threaten him into answering. He spat out blood and looked me in the eye.

"Why do you want me to?" The smile had left his face and had now been replaced by a sallow, sickly expression with little color. "You want me to die, right? Then why not kill me here and now? You have the chance. Why don't you do it?" Every ounce of me wanted to tear his throat out and end it then. But something was holding me back. Something kept my claws from tearing into his flesh and pulling out the tendons. Something…. But what was it?

Slowly, I lowered Alex to his feet. I had failed. I had every bit of potential, every ounce of hatred built up and yet… I couldn't bring myself to destroy him. I sank to my knees and grasped my aching head. What was it? What was holding me back? Alex's shadow fell over my curled form and I looked up to see him offering a hand. I felt my eyes stretch with surprise, and I thought I saw a ghost of a smile play on his lips. All of his injuries had been healed; neither a scar plagued his face, nor a trace of blood stained his skin. It seemed as though he had absorbed everything.

"You don't want to do it because you want a fair fight. Your humanity prevents you from taking my life in cold blood. That's a good instinct. Make sure you never lose it. Now, why don't we start over?" He stretched his hand to renew the invite. I hesitated for a moment. Did I really trust this sociopath? I closed my eyes and took his hand. With his help, I got back onto my feet and stepped back. It was time to begin the real battle.

I morphed back into my battle gear, watching as he did the same. We both stepped forward. A moment of silence followed as we tensed ourselves for each other's attacks. I couldn't really say who struck first, only that within a moment, we were nothing but whirs and blurs of movement. We confined our battle to the alley, which was difficult, but in our fight had tacitly agreed that it was best between just the two of us. There was no need for the military here. We needed to settle this one-on-one.

As our blades clashed and our armor cracked, Alex's eyes never left mine. We dodged, lunged, and dodged again. After several minutes, we both launched ourselves back to our original spots and regained some stamina. I was breathing heavily now, exhausted from the intensive fight. He was a foe I knew would be hard to defeat. Rain dripped off my soaked clothes as I looked up at Alex, who was barely fazed by the fray. He stood straight, breathing normally. It was as though he had just walked by me, while had just fought a windstorm. His calm voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Your body and skills are far superior to mine. But you haven't the practice I've had." He watched me as though a subject in his experiment. "If you don't mind me asking though, why are you so hell-bent on killing me?" I spat at his feet.

"You don't remember what you did to me?" I felt my body bristle. "You killed my family. You made me into the monster I am now! You took everything that I ever had away from me!" Alex's cold blue eyes stared hard at me and for a moment he remained silent.

"I only did what you asked me to do." He replied coldly.

"DON'T LIE TO ME!" I swiftly unraveled my tendrils and grabbed at Alex. He dodged them all easily, before sending a ground spike my way. Caught off guard, I was struck by it and I hit the ground hard. I struggled to my feet before being knocked down again and restrained by his writhing snakes. He stood above me as I squirmed to free myself. But my resistance was fruitless, so I laid there waiting for his strike. He took several moments to watch me.

"Since you don't want to listen to the truth, why don't we take this one step at a time?" He asked me. When I didn't answer, he continued. "How did I kill your family?" With a hate-filled voice, I shouted at him.

"You infected them. Just like you did everyone else! You killed them all, with your fucking bloodthirsty virus. You turned them into… into… things! And then, when I wanted nothing more than death, you robbed it from me." Continuing to restrain me, he sat down beside me on the wet alley pavement. He lowered his head and laughed.

"Do you even remember what happened when you died? The things you did?" He raised his head to look at me.

"All I remember is that you were there, killing everything that got in your way. Everyone. Except me." I looked at him, remembering how his expression didn't really change as he slaughtered my squadron before me. His body rippled as he tore into bodies and consumed them like the sick demon he was. And then he stepped towards me. And the next thing I had known, I wasn't human anymore. The human in me had been ripped from my body and replaced with the same burning desire for flesh that drove Alex. "Everyone… except me. Why? Why didn't you kill me like the others?" I fought against the restraints, a new wave of anger releasing endorphins into my body. Alex looked at me, a mixture of sadness and remorse dwelling in his eyes.

"I did." I stopped restraining. What did he mean, he did? Couldn't he see I was as dead-alive as he was? "I tore you into _two._" A sudden flash came back to me. Alex's blade slicing through my body, rupturing my organs and snapping my spine. Dying, I had fallen to the ground as he stepped around the bodies, looking for something. This is what I had wanted. I had wanted death, and yet…. In this brief moment before its welcoming arms, I was overcome by an indescribable fear.

"No…." I looked at Alex as bits of memories fell into place.

"You're remembering." He said, turning his head up to the sky to let the rain hit his face. I knew he couldn't feel it. After death, even if the virus brought you back unharmed, you couldn't feel anything. But even so, it looked as though he was remembering what it felt like. Living in the memories of what had once been possible, what had once been tangible to his living being. Another flash came back to me.

Alex stepped over to my paralyzed body and reached into the sack I had been carrying with me. He withdrew his hand, his fingers enclosed around something. What had it been? I saw Alex open his palm and the chain of a necklace fell towards the ground. In his hand, he held a small golden locket. He barely glanced at the picture inside before stuffing it back into his pocket. He took a step away and I saw my arm reaching to his shoe, grabbing the cuff of his jeans. He stopped and looked down at me with those arctic eyes.

"No… I never asked for this!" I said as Alex turned his head back to my bound form.

"Yes… you did." He replied sorrowfully. How could he have emotions? Another flash took me back to my death.

I had grabbed his jeans, and now Alex knelt beside my doomed being. He had looked at me coldly, hate pure in his eyes.

"What do you want?" He had asked curtly.

"Don't….. Don't…" I managed to choke out through the blood. I wasn't ready to die. I wanted him to save me. I wanted to become like him and live forever, never forced to face death. "Save… me." Alex gave me a strange look, a mixture of puzzlement and apathy.

"Fine," He said shortly, drawing blood from his arm. "But prepare for an endless hell." My memory blurred as I struggled to remember more of what had happened. I couldn't remember anything more than his warm blood leaking into my wounds, and my body slowly dying.

In the present, I stared at Alex. I… I _had_ asked for this. My own cowardice sealing me into the hell I now lived in.

"You remember now, don't you?" He asked me calmly. His eyes were covered in shadow as he spoke and the rain had begun to beat down hard on both of us.

"Why…?" It was all I could manage as emotions swept away my senses.

"Because you asked." I looked at him weakly. Was that really why he had done it? Just because I had asked for eternal life? "Honestly, I didn't think it was going to work, but color me surprised."

"What about the locket?" I asked, wondering how I had gotten it in the first place. Alex chose to ignore the question.

"You were the only person I've ever infected." He watched my reaction carefully.

"I'm the only one you let keep their consciousness, you mean." I argued. He had been the source of the virus, I knew. I remembered reading the file on Mercer. Not a human anymore, just a deadly virus with only the instinct to spread its grasp over the city. He was the root of all the evil, and all units had been told to target him in any scenario. He was the reason for the destruction.

"Is that what they told you?" Alex's bitter laugh broke into my thoughts. "They told you I caused all of this?"  
"You did," I said. I knew that there was no way for him to weasel out of this conviction. He would have to admit the truth now. "I read your files. You spread the virus yourself and killed thousands and thousands of people. You can't deny it." Alex paused for a moment. He seemed to be thinking of a way to respond.

"Well, I can't deny that I've killed thousands of people. But I certainly didn't kill them to make them become the mindless infected. If I killed them, I either destroyed their bodies beyond recognition, or I consumed them." I shifted to get a better look at Alex, whose grip had not loosened since he first grabbed me.

"If that's true, then who do you blame for all of this? The destruction of the city, the countless number of people in the red zones, ambling along mindless and bloodthirsty? If you didn't do it, then who did?" I looked up at him expectantly, and he gave me an unreadable expression.

"Ever heard of Elizabeth Greene?" I opened my mouth to tell him that making up names wouldn't help him, but I quickly stopped myself. Something was tugging at the back of my brain. I thought back to when I first agreed to help with the infection.

"Your orders are to target this man. You may take out as many infected as need be, but always aim for Mercer. He's the one we want dead. Kill him, and the entire infection will break down and die. Any questions soldier?" The Specialist looked at me expectantly.

"Sir, if I may, Sir. Who is Elizabeth Greene, Sir?" I remember how he had quickly covered the file I had glanced at on his desk. It's where I had gotten her name from. I remembered the file, with an old black-and-white picture just peeking out of the folder jacket.

"It's none of your concern, Sergeant. Now, are you clear on your mission?" I had nodded obediently and saluted, pushing the name out of my mind. But now I remembered.

I looked at Alex with a creeping feeling of defeat.

"She was the one, wasn't she? She started all this?" Alex nodded.

"They just want me dead. I'm too powerful for them now. They've been sending all their troops to kill me, now. It's a shame, really. All those men killed pointlessly. I wouldn't actively kill so many if I wasn't provoked all the time." I watched Alex and couldn't help but wonder…

"What is your role in all this, then? If you didn't start it, and you don't want it to continue… why are you here?"

"To end it," Alex said shortly. "I killed Greene, and made sure the military didn't destroy those who still lived. You and I both know the city is recovering. Before long, we'll be the only infected beings left." As though he was done talking, Alex stood and stretched. The tendrils still wrapped around me uncomfortably, but he seemed to have forgotten. A thought popped into my head.

"Why did you kill Greene? Isn't she related to you, in a way?"

"Greene was no more related to me, than she was to Alex. She took someone dear from me, and I had my revenge long before you were even created." He looked out through the rain at the Main Street. I remembered something as he said this. I had remembered who the locket had belonged to. His sister. I had been given the locket to use as a reference. I had been instructed to shoot her on sight.

"What happened to her?" I asked, realizing with a drop in my stomach that I had been the one to take something from Alex.

"You happened to her. You and your squad happened to her. Ragland said she's in an even worse condition now. Greene did her number, but you certainly just smashed her into rock bottom."

"So she's still alive?" I asked tentatively.

"For now." He replied curtly. In hearing the bitterness in his voice, I realized that I had probably walked into my own grave by coming here. I let my muscled relax, waiting for fate to take me. But Alex just squatted beside me and looked at me. "I'm just ashamed that I've sired someone with so little knowledge and so much hate." I didn't know whether to react with anger or shame of my own, but I let the comment slip. I assumed that he'd kill me now that he'd set me straight. He'd brought me into this hell, and it seemed only right that he'd be the one to send me out of it.

The tendrils began to move around my body, coiling around my restrained form. Preparing for my death, I closed my eyes.

The tendrils unraveled, releasing me. I opened my eyes in time to catch a last glimpse of those cold blue eyes before he turned his back to me. Without a word, Alex began to walk away, his hands shoved in his jacket pockets. He was withdrawing, leaving me unscathed.

"You're not going to kill me?" I asked, surprised.

"I didn't come here to kill you. You came here to kill me, and you failed." He stopped, turning his head over his shoulder. "I never had any intentions to end your life. Only monsters hunt and kill, and I never asked to be one."


End file.
